By Joseph T. Evans

Loving a woman is such a complex emotion for me because unlike anger, which I can pinpoint down to its root cause -- and when I concentrate hard enough I can actually shake it off. It’s not even like sadness, which just like anger, I can pinpoint down to its root cause and most of the times I can get over it fairly quickly and shake it off, too. Both anger and sadness seem to stay in the realm of logic and reason; I'm able to think about what’s happening to me logically and get over it and most of the times never think about it again. But, love -- it's such a powerful and complex emotion -- can not be turned on and off nor pinpointed down to its root cause nor easily gotten over when it ends. I've tried to use logic and reason before to deal with love, but it seems love -- unlike anger and sadness does not seem to stay within the same realm of logic and reason. When it comes to love -- logic goes out the window. It's amazing how love makes me feel; I feel like I've been drugged and have developed a chemical addiction and I can’t kick the addiction no matter how hard I might try. When I am away from her I feel as if I'm going through chemical withdrawals. Maybe it’s so hard for me to understand this emotion of being in love or falling in love because it is a gift from God Himself and I can’t understand the perplexities of God. I've tried to understand the perplexities of God and they are just too deep for me to fathom. I barely know how and why I fall in love let alone the perplexities of God.

I recall reading a bible verse where God said leave your parents and cleave unto your wife and the two shall become as one. Was God being literal when He said this? What exactly was God saying? I think I just might understand what God was saying. In that statement I understand why the love I have for a woman is so vastly different than the love I have for, say, my mother or sister. It’s love, but the love I have for a woman seems so much more of a binding type of love as if the two have become as one. Maybe that’s just it, the becoming of one and binding are the two souls becoming joined, and it is that feeling of euphoria that comes over me when hers and my soul have become as one and it's through that connection that I physical feel the butterflies in my stomach and feel like I'm in sort of a voodoo trance or have been drugged with some love elixir.

That voodoo trance or feeling like I've been drugged by some love elixir causes me to me totally captivated by her; I'm in awe when I am in her presence, and I feel ecstatic whenever I am near her - she makes me smile just because she is close to me. She makes me want to be a better person, just for her sake. I get this deep yearning of wanting to romance her with flowers, love notes, sweat kisses, and intimate dinning. When I find myself in love -- caught up in this powerful and complex emotion -- I have this feeling that she completes me as a person and I don’t want to sever that tie because now I know what it is like to feel complete -- hers and my souls have joined as one. Although it does seems strange, I feel like the sun seems to rise in her eyes and when I'm looking into her eyes I see the real her that is not covered up by all societies rituals and customs. I see deep down to her soul and see her for who she truly is, and her soul seems to calm me and I feel that all is right in the world and nothing else seems to matter. By seeing deep down into her soul I get to know this beautiful woman like no one else has. I want to hang on to her every word she speaks because I want to take her all in and the sound of her voice is like music to my ears and I'm able to listen to every single note as if listening to some great classical music piece created by some great composer. And so much like an addiction, I want her to be the touch I feel and the face I see before going to sleep and the eyes I see when I awake and I love her more than life itself -- I would die for this drug -- this powerful emotion called love. I want to take this drug in constantly and become totally enthralled by her and want to be in her arms forever and caressed up to her chest just for the sake of intimacy and to feel her heartbeat against my chest. I find -- in that joining of the souls -- that I'm able to know her dreams and she's able to know mine. In my dreams I see her, I feel her, I even smell her; we are together in my dreams and in my thoughts. I even know when she is in distress even though she is far from me; it’s as if hers and my soul are communicating with each other on a level neither she nor I can comprehend.

When I am deeply in love I feel that loving a woman is hating the fact that life really is too short and even though she and I have may be together for ten, twenty, or thirty years, it’s as if those years were merely days that were just way too short and I long, even crave -- like a drug addiction -- to spend more time with her, in love. I know I'm in love when I've reached that point where I just want to love and kiss her parents in gratitude for bringing such a beautiful soul into the world. I know I'm in love when all I do is think about her. All I want to do is be with her every second of everyday and even when we fight I still want to hug, caress and kiss her all over. When I'm with her I cant stop looking at her, and when I'm not with her I can't get her off my mind and I wish she were with me. This feeling for me is more than a mental thought -- it is as if she truly is holding a piece of my heart. I know when I am deeply enthralled in love when a passionate kiss leaves me feeling dazed and momentarily confused -- stunned almost -- with a feeling of almost being lost -- I become lost in her kiss, time seems to stop, and nothing around me seems to matter, she becomes my sweet addictive fix. No cigarette or alcohol drink can come close to the feeling she brings over me.

It's just not logical nor rational these feelings and emotions I have. When in love nothing seems to matter, no sacrifices seems too big, nor no distance too great. When every time I think of her, I feel happier than the moment before. When I see her in everything I do and everywhere I go. When her love in return wraps me like a soft warm blanket. Wow, is love the greatest gift that God could have given me. I used to think the greatest gift that God could have given me was life itself, but what's life without love. Life is so meaningless when it's filled with only anger and sadness -- what's the point in living out a life filled with these two emotions. Now I see, for God is love and the greatest gift I can give back to Him is love and it is also the greatest gift I can give to another. In knowing the love of a woman, it's easy for me to understand why God has given mankind so many chances to do right, and why He gets so jealous when we love other things more than Him. I've got this epiphany that being in love, although complex, is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problems of human existence. Is this where the saying comes from that love can concur all. Without it life is meaningless and pointless -- thank God for it and anyone fortunate enough to have it has clearly been blessed!